Coffee Date

Part of me having this blog allows me to express how I'm feeling whenever I feel like sharing. It's a sort of outlet as well as a place to keep me accountable. So sometimes my posts will be about material things, and sometimes it's going to be a place for me to reflect. Today I want to reflect. Today I want to dig deep. Today is for me. Today is for my heart. 

A while ago I was talking with some friends about how lucky we are to live where we do. We live in a Christian community which makes it so easy to talk about God. I can talk about God at my place of work, at the gym, in the grocery store, at a school and in my home without giving it a second thought. I think about those places where God isn't allowed in. If I weren't able to talk about my beliefs where I work how would that make me feel? I would probably feel so hidden. Would I push the boundaries? Probably. Would I lose jobs because of it? It's a probable. How different would my life be? I've worked in places before that didn't have Christians. God's name was said in vein instead of in praise. It definitely made me uncomfortable but did I talk about my beliefs? No I didn't. I had no one to band with to talk about it openly. I didn't ask anyone to stop talking so negatively about God around me. I didn't stand up for what I believe in. I'm not necessarily ashamed of myself for it but it saddens me to remember how I felt. I felt such negative vibes coming from everyone, and in a place where I spent 8 hours of my day, it definitely wasn't the kind of atmosphere I wanted for myself. Although I didn't speak openly about God, it still wasn't banned from my work place. I was allowed to talk about it, I just didn't. That's the difference isn't it, being allowed to but not speaking as opposed to not being allowed and speaking anyway. My boss now is a Christian man, a family man, and I am so grateful for that. I didn't really think twice about it until a few weeks ago but I'm lucky. I'm lucky I don't feel negative vibes any more, it has definitely changed me. I'm more happy, I feel light, I feel God. 

I can take moments out of my day to pray and not think twice about it. What a simple thing that even I take for granted. Albeit praying can be in your head so no one could ever take that away from you, but how much more aware you would be if you knew you weren't allowed to do it. 

That will be my segue into what's next on my mind. Prayer. The power of it, the easiness of it it, or the lack of easy. I'm still quite new to Christianity, I'm learning every day, but one thing I haven't learned is how to pray. I suck at it to put it bluntly. Well I feel that I suck at it lol. Sometimes I even apologize to God for not being able to speak properly but we have an understanding, I know He knows what I'm thinking :) . Most days I forget, I forget to use prayer as a tool, as a reflection outlet, as a conversation with God. I need a constant reminder that I can pray whenever I want, that God is listening always. I want, no I need to do it more often. I want prayer as a meditation, I don't want it to be a few seconds, or minutes, I want it to be longer. I want a conversation. I want to have "coffee" with God, and by that I mean I can go for coffee with friends for an hour or two, I want that relationship with God as well. He's my bestest friend, I should treat Him that way.  This is what I mean about keeping me accountable. In a few months I will look back on this and see if I have been doing what I set out to do. So God, lets go for coffee?