Liquid Eyeliner Is My B!tch

You know those motivational sayings you hear all the time and think “ya ya whatever!” or “that can’t possibly apply to me, it’s different with me.” And then one day it hits you like a punch to your face and you realize “oh… maybe that can apply to me.” I had such a realization tonight. I feel so foolish and embarrassed with myself, I’ll start from the beginning though so you get a better understanding of what it is I’m actually saying.

I remember the very first time I got my makeup done, it was for me 12^th birthday, my Mom took me to Pharmasave so that I could see how they would apply my makeup so that I could learn that way. Then my mom bought all the products that the women had used on my face so I could use them too, I got a blue eyeliner, a pink eyeshadow quad and mascara (she even took me to get my hair cut, I got the “zig zag shag”), I was so happy with how it turned out that I slept in my makeup so it would look relatively the same and I’d only have to touch up the next day for school. I walked into school and I got so many compliments, I even caught the boy I liked peeking over at me more then usual ;) . That day started my love affair with makeup, thanks Mom (!) I’ll be sure to get Mark to thank you too! Although I will forever love makeup, it did open my eyes to more insecurities. I started with only wearing makeup every now and then, that soon lead to wearing it every day, which led to me wearing makeup as a mask. I hid behind this mask for many, many years. Actually, I hid behind that mask up until a few months ago. One of my biggest insecurities was the size of my eyes, and yes I say was, I can happily say that I am finally happy with the size of my eyes. It may sound so silly on the outside but to me it was a huge milestone. That wasn’t my only insecurity though, along with my fascination with makeup came a developing skill to learn what worked best to enhance the shape of my eyes. I learned to make eyeshadow my secret weapon and for years I treated liquid eyeliner as my enemy. Until today. First off I will say that at one point I did like liquid eyeliner, in highschool to be exact, except I wasn’t so great at making it look flattering. I was oblivious to it though, I thought I looked fabulous so I went on my merry way with my mask.

 Yes, I was that pale, which only made

liquid eyeliner look even worse on me.

 Hard to tell in this pic but lets also take moment

to check out my super skinny brows!

 My brother started dating a girl who was really good at doing her makeup and eventually she showed me how to make eyeshadow my best friend. I ditched liquid eyeliner and never looked back. Fast forward a few years and I started buying liquid eyeliner again, I would apply it, hate it, put it at the bottom of the drawer and move on. Then those flashy ads would speak to my inner makeup junkie and I’d buy the next liquid eyeliner, apply it, hate it, discard it. Fast forward a few more months and I signed up for Instagram. I love me some instagram! I started following makeup artists and revelled in their talents. These women are SO good at what they do, and all of them wear liquid eyeliner. This sparks a fire in me and I go and buy another liquid eyeliner, apply it, hate it, discard it. I’m frustrated at this point wanting liquid eyeliner to be my friend but only getting the cold shoulder so I turn my attention to gel liner. What do I find? A new found love for gel liner. What do I learn how to do? I small wing on the outer corner of my eyes that DOESN’T look bad!!! I can’t do a bigger wing though, my eyes are too small, I just don’t have a good eye shape. I’m content with this though, a small wing is better then no wing. I keep scrolling through pictures on IG (slang for instagram) and I’m jealous. Why did all these girls get blessed with gorgeous huge brown eyes that look sooooo good paired with black liquid eyeliner, it just isn’t fair.

Then today happened. I was at my friend Amanda’s house telling her how I bought a liquid eyeliner again even though I don’t like it on me I still continue to buy them. After I left her house it stuck with me that I had said that I still always buy them and thought to myself, I’m going to stop being afraid. I’m not going to let liquid eyeliner call the shots. I’m not going to tell myself I’m not good enough of an artist. I’m not going to tell myself that other girls can do a better job and I might as well not even try. I'm going to stop letting fear control me. I am going to try, and I might fail, but I’m going to try again anyway. My eyes are not too small, I just need to learn how to work with them and make liquid eyeliner my other best friend just like I did with eyeshadow.

So in the past few months I have grown comfortable in my naked face and as of today Thursday, August 15^th at approximately 10pm I made liquid eyeliner my best friend. Not only in just one way though, I made liquid eyeliner bend to MY will in two different ways. If you aren’t following exactly what I mean, I’m trying to say that I applied liquid eyeliner to each eye in two different styles and both worked for my eye shape. I made my short stubby wing into a long pencil thin elegant wing that stretched way outside my comfort zone. Then I laid on the liner thick thick thick on my other eye, Audrey Hepburn style and it rocks my world!

I’m done saying “I can’t” or “I love the style but it just wouldn’t work on me” and instead I’m going to believe in my abilities and this has made me want venture out and try all sorts of things I didn’t think I could do. And I don’t just mean with makeup (although those fake eyelashes are begging for me to master them now) but with all parts of my life! So I’m going to believe in myself instead of bring myself down and I’m going to love being in my own skin. I hope you can all believe in yourselves too, whatever your hurdles may be because you deserve it!