Ignorant Fool

*Disclaimer: This will be a rant/venting post, all views and opinions expressed are not to be held accountable against me*

For people who don't know me well it probably looks like I have a really hard exterior, I have a very dominant personality and often it can be easily misunderstood. It's also important to know that I'm sensitive too, I do have feelings and soft emotions and just like anyone those are things to take into consideration when judging someone. I am very strong willed and stubborn, I like things done a certain way- the logical way. If it's logical then it makes the most sense to take that route. Often people don't agree with me but that's because they may be looking at it emotionally and not logically. I'm also very sarcastic, this goes in hand with my sense of humor. A lot of people I know are sarcastic as well and we get along really great, sometimes this can come across as mean, maybe it's my tone of voice or facial expression, I'm not sure. Another thing to know about me is that my facial expressions are really hard to control, it's almost as if I have botox, except that my face moves, I just can't feel it. So if I'm thinking "this person is stupid" my face might show that, but my words wont. I'm not a mean person, I would never tell someone to their face in a serious way that they are stupid. But if my face does, well I'm sorry but that is the way I feel, I just don't mean for you to know that I feel that way (also its worth mentioning that I've been working on not even thinking those things about people, its been a work in a progress). I have to try very hard to recognize the way my face is forming an expression and stop it before it gets there all the way. But nothing, NOTHING pisses me off more the ignorant people! I've been told since childhood that I have an attitude problem, I know fully well I'm capable of harbouring ill feelings toward someone, I am also capable of reeling those feelings in. So a year ago when I was told by someone of importance in my life that I have an attitude problem you better believe that I got that problem in check. I worked very hard at beeing more cheerful and expressionless. Does that mean that I am not allowed a off day though? To this person I think not and that is not fair. If I have a bad day and I get asked a stupid question or asked to do something stupid I'm gonna let it be known on my face just how stupid I think that is. Will I proceed to voice my opinion? Of course not, I would never have such a bad day that I would do that.

Another thing that pisses me off? Manipulative people. I used to be one of those, I could use my skills very well to get the outcome that I wanted. I only used those skills about a handful of times for a more greater scheme but it was never used for bad. What I'm talking about is those manipulative people that use their skills for bad. I've encountered a few of those people in my lifetime and believe me, they are no longer a part of my life. So when you take a manipulative person and put them next to me and get me to tell them things about me such as I have an attitude problem, and I'm bad at explaining things to people so often it takes me a little while to get my point across, it's cause for a conflict. I was recently yelled at, and I mean full on yelled at, right to my face, for reasons that I'm still confused about. I was asked a question, and I was answering that question as best I could and all of a sudden I was yelled at. And then that person stormed out. I was left sitting there very confused, and then very angry. What adult in my age range would actually yell at a person in that situation?!? I'm still dumbfounded. With the whole situation it just doesn't add up. Then the next day I found out that this person had told another person why they yelled. And I found out that they lied and the other person believed them. So because this manipulative person knew that I had problems explaining things, knew that I was told I had an attitude problem a while ago, used that knowledge to their advantage to cover up why they did what they did to make me look like the bad guy. Two against one, what am I supposed to do? I tried explaining my side to this other person and they didn't seem to buy it, they were siding with the manipulative one. Of course they would, a manipulator is always good at getting people to side with them.

That's kind of where that situation is as of right now but let me share my thought process. Like I said at first I was angry, and then I got really hurt. It really is a hard blow to take when someone attacks your character. I had to assess myself looking from outside the box to see if there was any truth to what was told. After sorting it out myself I went on to talk to some other people, they too didn't agree with what was said. So after confirming that I wasn't as bad of a person as they were making me out to be I started wanting revenge. I'm in a very sweet spot to be able to make this outcome a bad one for this other person, and I wanted to execute that plan so badly, but instead I prayed. I prayed for calm, I prayed for peace and good feelings, and I gave my problem to God. Obviously it's still on my mind since I'm writing about it but I no longer want to do anything bad because of it. I'm above that, I will not stoop to a pathetic childlike level to get some feelings of satisfaction. That would be artificial and it's not who I want to be. So instead I will rise above and I will ignore this person as best I can and continue to take the higher road. I am a good person, flawed most definitely but I am good. I will not have some insignificant (to me) person tell me otherwise. I feel foolish for even questioning my own character because of it but I think it goes to show that I am an honest person and I will correct things within myself if my attention is brought to that. So you, person I will not name, can go on being ignorant but I hope one day you learn the consequences of your rash decision making. Maybe it's time you take an honest- outside the box- look at yourself. And that goes for all of you ignorant people.