My Parabatai

Parabatai Oath:

Whither thou goest, I will go; Where thou diest, will I die. And there will I be buried. The Angel do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee and me. 

I sometimes think about how my life would be today had I not found my Parabatai. Would I be as happy? Would I feel complete? Or would I forever feel a hole, a void, an emptiness. Luckily I have found my Parabatai and I don't have to wander from day to day incomplete. I don't like to use the word "love" because it feels not enough. A word so incomplete it does nothing to describe the feeling of a Parabatai. So why not use a made up word? I could try to describe it in my own words but again, it wouldn't be good enough. Nellie and I don't really use the word love, it ins't in our every day language, so isn't it fitting I don't use it now? I think so. I could say she is my other half, but that isn't true. That spot is reserved for her husband. I could say I am her and she is me but it wouldn't be quite right either. It's as if our bond is one, it's not two bodies coming together, it is simply one bond. You might not understand. It's not just a "best friend" thing, it's more special then that. But who am I to claim such a connection? But I do. We do. It's more then finishing a sentence, it's knowing what they'll say before they say it. I can look at her, and she me, and know her emotion. Know her thoughts. Body language is heightened because we are so in tune. Shared looks and smiles, complete gibberish coming out of our mouths, but we'll know. We always do. Sometimes I think of the day I might outlive her. Or her me. I don't particularly like to think about it, but sometimes it creeps into my thoughts. Unlike a world of never knowing my Parabatai, it would be a world of immense pain. Would I move on as easily as others? Would I be broken? Unfixable? Probably. But I wouldn't change it. To be able to hold onto the best memories. To know for certain we will meet again. That would be the prize wouldn't it. Even though in heaven we wouldn't know each other as we do now, just knowing I will one day see my Parabatai again is enough. Because we'll be sisters.

Our bond in understanding, and gentle. Unforgiving- as in I will not be sorry or ashamed for others to know we have such a bond. It is strong and unbending. I know our friendship will always be. Constant. It's not a naive girl saying she'll be friends forever. It's truth. Almost 25 years of truth. If anything should ever part us I know we will make it back to this same place. Like a magnetism. Although I don't see a separation happening. I would never intentionally do anything to hurt her so much that we would stop talking and vice versa. I think our bond roots from a different type of emotion then other friendships (other friendships of ours, not saying other people can't have the same connection). Those roots stand firm, and strong, growing. It's a safe haven. Where we can be ourselves. Where we can be weird, where we can wade in our sense of humour. Where we can just know. I feel I'm still not explaining good enough but I wanted to see if I could attempt. The people who are blessed enough to have a Parabatai are just that- blessed. And you'll know what I'm trying to explain. Such a precious bond, one to be cherished and enjoyed. One to be taken care of and be attentive to. The greatest thing about it is that it is so effortless. Smooth. Perfect. But perfect in our own eyes.  

My Parabatai, where you die, I too will die, but we will live again in the ultimate future. 

I am so blessed, and I wanted to recognize that on paper (I did write this in my journal as well, so it really is written in ink) forever imprinted by my pen stroke. 

My Parabatai.