Halloweeeeeen

Hello All!

Well I have definitely been lacking in the blog department, sorry! I have plenty of ideas on what I'd like to write about but every day it just seems like those topics don't interest me. I don't want my blog to sound forced, I want it to flow, and to reflect me, and also to write what suits my mood. I have some Halloween pictures that I'd love to share so I'll do that throughout this entry, for some of you that have me on Facebook then you will have seen these already- my apologies! In between photo's I'd like to share what's been on my mind lately. This might get a little deep so I'll lighten the mood with some Halloween awesomeness!!

The Husband and I- Markio and Flapper/Sugar Skull

I've been married for just over a year now and I can say we're one of the "first year is the hardest" couples. I wish it weren't so, I wish that I could have experienced the lovey-dovey, can't be without you stage. But I didn't. I'm slowly realizing why I didn't have that but let me tell you- people definitely weren't lying when they said the first year can be the hardest! 

Our fwends Tony Stark & Halloween Faerie 

I'm just going to take this moment to tell future Desiree "ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER"!!! She knows best, she's been through it, NO, you are not smarter then her! NO, you are not 'going through something different'! No, she is not out to bring you down! NO, your emotions do not affect you differently then hers do to her! She is wiser then you will ever be because she will always be 21 years older then you, so save yourself a lot of time, worry and hurt and do as your mother says. 

Markio and Luigi obvy

Alright, so the first year of marriage, do I have any advice? No, not really. If I did you probably wouldn't want to listen to it. I have gained a lot of knowledge but I don't know that I'd do anything differently. Would I have gotten here if I had done things differently? I'm not sure. One thing I am sure about is that I am a very unsure person! I move at a slow pace when it comes to something that's important to me. Was divorce ever on my mind? Absolutely, but thankfully for my slow pace I never made any rash decisions. Divorce in the first year for me would have been giving up. It probably wouldn't have sat right with me and I most likely would have regretted it at some point. I need to learn not to run from my problems, I'm very good at pushing them down so they are forgotten. Sometimes they sneak up on me and I'll experience random outbursts of crying, that's when I know I need to push them down further. This just isn't healthy, but I'm learning. 

Mobster and his Bride

I met with my Pastor a few days ago and he helped me to realize that I hold too much resentment towards people. I can't let things go. I started to really think about this and a desire started growing inside me. A desire to rid myself of this anger. I envision this fire-y ball inside of my core that keeps growing, and some day I'm going to release that fire-y ball and I will be at ease. I'll be able to breathe, and what a sweet sweet breath that first one will be. I can see my shoulders straightening, my head held a little higher because I'll know, that God won the battle inside me. I'll take knowledge and tools and use those things to keep the fire-y ball away, and I'll be free. I'll be free and I'll breathe. 

The Ladies

People have always said that Men think differently then Women. Maybe I just had to experience this first hand for it to actually sink in- Men undoubtedly think differently then Women. Mark grew up in a household where he was taken care of, his Mother did a lot for him (like, a lot!). I grew up in a household where we had to do things ourselves. I'm not saying Mark's parent's parenting was wrong, it is what worked for their family. And I'm not saying my parent's parenting was right, it was the cards we were dealt. My mother battled with depression and my Dad was hardly home due to his job. Us kids had to grow up pretty fast and learn how to take care of ourselves. I don't resent this childhood though, it taught me independence. Mark on the other hand was not taught independence in such ways. When Mark moved in with me we started to clash because of our independence levels. I expected him to just know and was unwilling to help him figure things out if he didn't (big mistake). This made Mark feel afraid. He was afraid of me. How would that make you feel if your spouse was afraid of you? All I wanted was to be equal yet I was the one getting in the way of that. 

Lovely photo bomb courtesy of Mr. Stark

After a few months of living together... okay, a lot of months of living together, Mark started to catch on to how I wanted things done, so we started meshing a liiiiiittle bit better. But it seemed as though another problem would occur after another. We were constantly struggling to understand each other but going about it in the worst ways. Instead of communicating our issues we were shutting down, thinking this was helping us to live more harmoniously. We couldn't have been more wrong. 

Red John made an appearance, as usual he went unnoticed

Then Mark started reading a book. I forget the name of it but it had been a wedding gift. It was a book for Men about Women. To help Men understand how Women think. I picked up the book as well to see what kind of things it was telling him. And this book was bang on! The biggest thing he could take away from this book was that women's emotional needs need to be met for a more harmonious relationship. After I had read this I realised how true that was. I hadn't even known that that is what I was looking for, after that came to light it made things so much clearer. And I was learning that I needed to speak to Mark in a different way to get the response that I wanted (the truth). He needed to not be afraid of me. If he was afraid of me the greater lengths he would go to keep the truth from me no matter what it was. If your spouse is afraid of you, then they will be afraid of what you will do when they tell you something they know you wont be happy about. 

Pirate and Killer Bee

So here's to the second year! We come into it with new understanding, and new goals set. We aren't just gong to 'try and make it through' we are going to 'work through it'. 

Have you ever seen anything cuter? No, no you have not