The Old Die Young

Let's get a little sentimental, shall we? My biggest fear in life would have to be my loved one's dying before me. It's something I've been fortunate enough not to have to endure thus far, but its one of those things where you just feel it could be around any corner. Well lets face it, it really could be around any corner. I've always thought of myself as a strong person, one who could break down and categorize my feelings and emotions and deal with them accordingly (.... that sounds so robotic :s ). I often wonder how I would deal with the death of a loved one, would I be able to categorize? Would I be able to deal in a healthy way? Although I know what death will mean for me in my religious standpoint, it doesn't mean it will happen like that for everyone I love. Maybe that is what I fear the most, will I ever see that person again. In heaven you will know no sadness, does that mean the people that I know and love that are not Christians will be completely forgotten? I'll be living it up in heaven and a lot of people will be in the fiery pits but to me it wont matter? I shed a tear for those souls, I wish they would know, I wish they would repent. My heart would be a lot less heavy and I'd be ready for death like a coffee at 8am Monday! Imagine that, everyone welcoming Jesus into their heart's, of course we'd still lead a life of sin because lets face it, we're human but EVERYONE would go to heaven, I'd want to die tomorrow! But this world is not like that, and we are in fact still human so I will be trying my best to lead an example and pray that I will see you all up there.

Anyway, what brought all of this on is a dream that I had. Two nights ago I dreamt I was in the army (irrelevant but it was cool), my Grandpa (my Mom's Dad) was also in the army and we were walking side by side, arms around each other, talking and laughing. I don't remember the exact words, I know he told me a joke and I laughed. I also pointed something out to him in the distance and we talked about it. I woke up and my heart was swelling (with happiness, no I do not have a heart condition people). See my Grandpa has a hard time hearing, when you talk to him you have to yell. He can usually hear men a little better because their voices are deeper (good thing I have a man voice lol!), because of this people tend to avoid talking to him if they don't have to. I know that I'm guilty of this as well. Not only does he have a hearing problem but he doesn't speak perfect English, so if you're not repeating yourself because you spoke too quietly, you might be repeating yourself because he just didn't understand.

A few months ago my Mom had told me that Grandpa had said no one came to visit him at home (Grandma was in the hospital for about a year), and that he should just stay at home because no one liked to talk to him because he couldn't hear them anyway. When my Mom had told me that I guess it really hit me, I was always thinking -He's not going to hear me anyway, I don't want to repeat myself all the time, or, I don't want to be in the room alone with him. I feel so ashamed of myself. I was always thinking of me, I never once thought of how my Grandpa must feel, knowing people may go out of their way NOT to talk to him. So I have made it a point to go the extra mile when around my Grandpa and talk more with him. You never know how long your loved one's are going to be around and you really must take advantage of the time you have together now. I know everyone always says that but sometimes you might need a little extra push to help it sink it further.

Unfortunately I do not have any pics of my Grandpa handy so instead I'll leave you on a lighter note, showing you my convo with my brother Matt.

This may not be as funny to any of you but I'm STILL laughing!!! Too good.