Playlist Freedom

You know how a song can take you back to a certain point in time, or give you these feelings you thought were buried beneath the surface or gone altogether? I rarely put my music on shuffle, I'm the type of person that likes order, I like to know what is coming next. Not just with my music, with everything. Today I put my music on shuffle, forcing me to listen to a song at the bottom of my list, had I not been on shuffle I most likely wouldn't have made it that far down my playlist before turning it off. A song came on "Neon Love" by Karmin, this song isn't particularly significant to me but it took me back to when I listened to it in the summer time. Specifically when I would go on my nightly walks. I miss those walks, in the dark just me and my music, walking at my own pace following where my feet would take me (which would obviously be one of 2 paths I would always take because.. well I like to know whats coming... but that is neither here nor there).

The song came on and immediately a smile spread across my face and warmth through my heart. I thanked God for good weather then opened up this page to start typing.

It made me think about what is in store for me for this summer. It's going to be a lot different for me, going through a separation and everything. I remember 2 summers ago I was sitting on top of the fence outside of my place wrapped in a yellow blanket, at first I was listening to music but then I took my ear buds out and just sat there. I wanted to cry but I couldn't, my mind was so defeated that all I could do was sit there. I started praying and had asked God to change my life, I needed something different, I couldn't keep going as I was going. I remember the song I was listening to just before I had stopped my music and now when I hear that song it takes me back to that moment in time, one of my lowest points in my marriage and now I am able to reflect. Am I happy now being separated? In some ways yes, in some ways no. Did I do it just so that I could be single? Absolutely not. I'm lonely, but I was even more lonely while in my marriage. This isn't a hate post or a blaming game, I have my own faults too just to clear that up. When I listen to that song does it make me happy? I'd say it brings me peace. I know I made the right decision getting a separation, I've learned so much about myself and what I want for myself. I've learned how to value myself and make choices more carefully. What I did want out of all of this was a closer relationship with God and I have to say I have really dropped the ball on that one. No one to blame but myself I suppose.

I love this time of year though, where spring is just around the corner and music is nostalgic! The air is filled with hope and the skies with wonder. I hope this summer is a great one. I hope it is filled with adventure and experience. I hope it's filled with memories attached to music so that I can relive it next year when I put my playlist on shuffle. I also hope it involves me having a bangin' body because I've been at the gym for a while now lol ;) Time to crack down on that diet! But that is for a different post lol. Back to the music- I love how when listening to older music on your playlist, mixed with the changing weather, can make you feel so excited. I love the spring time! Spring always makes me feel so giddy for what's to come. I'm always wiggling in my seat uncontrollably ready for what this world has to throw at me. Spring gives me courage, it gives me life! Most of all spring gives me freedom. Or rather the feeling of courage to help me feel freedom... if that makes sense. The last few spring's I have felt stuck, I yearned for that feeling of freedom but my own self stood in the way of that. But this year... this year I am free. My heart is light and my smile huge. I am so ready for whatever is to be thrown my way. I'm ecstatic!!!

And here is a random photo of my cat Bosco. Enjoy.